The Urge

Sometimes it strikes you. The urge. And, after acting on it, suddenly you wonder where it came from. Indeed, the author had an urge to write a blog post, acted on it, was left wondering what to write, reflected on the urge itself and decided to write on the urge to do something! The word 'urge', one would guess, shares a root with 'urgent'. So then, let us define an urge as a desire that seeks to be urgently satisfied. Seemingly incoherent from prior thoughts, it is not clear where urges come from. When one notices an urge very keenly as it arises, it sometimes dissipates like foam caught in the hand. But sometimes, most times, the body-mind reacts very mechanically to the urge and before you notice it, you are there at the fridge, gorging down on unnecessary deserts; or switching the TV on, watching movies that lie somewhere between stupid and idiotic; picking up the newspaper and poring over the news that makes one wish our ancestors had stayed put on trees. Now again, where does the urge come from?

The traditional vedantic/yogic view of the mind gives an answer - vasanas. The urge comes from an inner vasana, a hidden desire in the most interior crevices of the mind. For the rationally minded, one can postulate that a vasana is a small sub-network of neurons of the brain that fires in sync and causes a particular body/brain reaction such as flipping the TV on and sinking into the welcoming arms of a nicely cushioned sofa. If we ask why we have the vasanas, pat comes the answer: from satisfying past urges, i.e., actions. So which came first? The urge or the action?

Because an urge is towards some action, whether physical or mental, another allied question logically arises: Why do we respond to urges the way we do and not otherwise? Because we react to urges in a particular way and no other, it is logical to posit a physical/mental reward (punishment) that gets reinforced when the urge is satisfied (or not), so as to reinforce the neuronal sub-network. If this the case, if the urge is something which is unhealthy - say junk food - why do we allow the urge to etch its "groove" on the brain? For instance, when we eat something that results in food poisoning, there is often violent purging from the body, a vital survival mechanism of the body to eliminate toxins. When the body/brain can recognize a poison that can be fatal in the short term, why doesn't it recognize things which are pathogenic in the long term such as gorging on food more than what is healthy over many years of life only to be abruptly woken up by a heart-attack. Clearly, there must be something that fools the brain into thinking that something is okay right now, even though it's potentially fatal in the long run.

In sum, there are two questions, perhaps not independent, that beg answers:

• Which came first - the urge or the action?
• Why do we respond to urges the way we do?
  

Here's an attempt to answer these questions. The first urge towards a seemingly innocuous action is by happenstance. Imagine a child that eats its first gulab-jamun in life. Now every human being likes sugar to some extent; this is genetically programmed into us because of our body's need for instant carbs. So clearly, the child's brain has some genetic pre-disposition, an evolutionary trait no less, towards a seemingly simple desire for sugar. On tasting the jamun, the child's brain realizes - appropriate neurons fire - that a jamun is a good source of sugar and notes it as favorable to the body, while the tongue realizes a more compex taste than simple sugar. The biochemical reactions triggered on the child's tongue from the fried ball of dough soaked in sugar syrup, a complex mix of animal and vegetable fat and protein from the milk and the oil accentuating the simple taste of sugar, make the tongue tells the brain through neuronal intermediaries that the jamun has a rich, complex taste, in nature akin to, but more subtle than, simple sugar, an existing desire, and hence more desirable. Because our memory is designed to make and store comparisons, which again is an evolutionary trait, the tongue's biochemistry creates a memory in the brain - the groove, the neuronal sub-network, or the vasana - for the jamun. Animal brains stop here, that is, when they trust their senses to decide when to eat, then eat till satiation (again determined by biochemical reactions) and stop. Human brains don't. Human beings associate the memory of an action (such as eating the jamun and the consequent biochemical reactions on the body) with a name and form (a juicy, round, golden brown jamun, oooh!). In other words, we form a mental association between the food's name and the physical biochemical reactions stored in our neuronal memory. It is ironical that even this mental association between the food's physical properties and its name, are in turn, stored in the neuronal memory, which is physical!

Thus when one is pretty much bored, the brain in order to use its "idle cycles" orders the memory to throw up something that can enliven the proceedings by producing biochemical reactions that make the physical body feel good. Voila! Thus rises an urge! A sliver of memory comes to life. Out pops the idea that eating a jamun will make your body happy! No longer a child, we gorge upon jamuns even if we are not really hungry and appreciative of its rich taste, under the illusion that our memory serves, of the taste we encountered maybe eons ago. In other words, the brain has substituted the current taste or lack thereof with the jamun's taste in its memory store. For a second taste, third taste of jamun to form further memories, the biochemical reactions have to be stronger - this phenomenon lies at the root of many a drug and other addiction.

Thus a random event randomly becomes etched into the brain. A pattern arises out of the randomness. So in some sense all karma is random, but gives rise to patterns. If we agree to this premise, this also supplies an interesting solution to the what the author calls the initial value problem of the theory of karma. In other words, if one's current life is due to karma from the past life. So what about the actions in the past life. It should logically be because of the life prior. In which case, this leads to an infinite regression, leading to the question : What was the karma one brings to one's first life as a human being? The typical vedantic response in many ways is that one cannot understand this mystery. An equally good alternate explanation seems to be that the initial karma is random, which seems to be the starting point of vasanas also. This also squares with the ajaata vada of advaitha vedanta that there is no karma!

To conclude, an urge is an ossification of a random event into a pattern, seeded by randomness and nurtured by repeated action. And, we act the way we do in response to an urge because that action is also inseparable from the urge. In other words, both come to life together and can go only together.

So how cometh the urge to give up urges?

The author shall wait for an urge to answer that!

A Poem's Seed

How do poets ponder
At many things yonder?
Whence comes the seed
For the poem indeed?

Lost in thought profound
Looking at life around
One finds the cause
For mind to pause.

The still of heart
With time gone apart
A flash of seeing
From depth of being

Then comes the stirring
With one's mind whirring
When words give hold
To the poem behold!

Author's note: It is perhaps of interest that this poem came to be in the very way it describes.

Grooks by Piet Hein

PROBLEMS
Problems
worthy of attack
prove their worth
by hitting back.

A PSYCHOLOGICAL TIP
Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma,
you'll find, is simply by spinning a penny.
No -- not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping.

THE CURE FOR EXHAUSTION
Sometimes, exhausted with toil and endeavour,
I wish I could sleep for ever and ever;
but then this reflection my longing allays:
I shall be doing it one of these days.

FREEDOM
Freedom means
you're free to do just whatever pleases you;
- if, of course that is to say,
what you please is what you may.

GOOD ADVICE
Shun advice at any price -
that's what I call good advice

WHO AM I?
Who am I to deny that
maybe
God is me?

Select verses from the gItA

gItA sAram

Author's note:

"bhagavad gItA kinchita dhItA .... kriyate tasya yamEna na carcha [For he who studies the bhagavad gItA even a little...., there shall be no quarrel with Death]", so sang AchArya shankarA in his classic bhaja gOvindham. Here's "kinchitam" gItA - select verses mainly dealing with Knowledge of The Self - edited into free form language. (Acknowledgment: R.K.Mutt's English translation by Swami Prabhavananda)

Chapter 2: sAnkya yOga

46. To the one who is the Self, scriptures are as useful as water in a reservoir during a flood.

47. You have the right to work, but not the results. Do not desire either the results of your work or inaction.

59. The senses fade for the absistent, but longing remains. Longing fades for one who Sees.

62. Thought of objects begets attachment to them. Attachment begets longing and longing, anger.

63. Anger deludes. Delusion clouds discrimination. Indiscrimination ruins.

71. The man without desire and a sense of "I" and "mine" attains peace.

Chapter 3: karma yOga

Why act?

2. If knowledge (of the Self) is superior, why act?

4. Because non-performance of action one does not yield Perfection.

6. He who controls his actions while thinking of sense objects is a hypocrite.

7. Perform action obligatory to you, for even maintenance of the body is impossible otherwise.

17. The man who is the Self (and only him) has no obligatory duty.

19. Performing obligatory action without attachment (to the results) yields the Highest.

20. I have no duty and nothing to gain, oh Arjuna, yet I continue in action.

22. (For) If I did not, the three worlds would perish.

How not to act

26. The (three) gunAs of prakrithi perform all action, yet deluded by egoism, one thinks "I am the doer".

How to act

27. Acting for My sake, with a mind focussed on Me, getting rid of desire and "I"-ness, fight!

35. It is better to do your obligatory duty imperfectly than another's perfectly.

The nature of sin and its transcendence

36. Oh Krishna, why does man sin even against his own better judgement as if impelled by some unseen force ?

37. The unseen force is desire; it is anger, born of (non-fulfilment of) deep craving.

39. Knowledge is covered by desire as smoke covers fire.

40. Desire lurks in the senses, the mind, and the intellect.

41. The mind is superior to the senses; the intellect, to the mind; and the Atman, to the intellect.

42. Thus using your Self (Atman) to restrain your self (senses, mind, and intellect), destroy that unseen foe: desire.

Chapter 4: jnAna karma samnyAsa yOga

8. To foster good and destroy evil, I incarnate on this earth in every age.

11. I fulfill all desires, however men worship Me, for all ways are Mine.

14. No action taints me, for I am above them. Knowing Me thus will make you thus.

19. He who acts without plans and desire for results is wise.

24. The offering is Brahman; the offered is Brahman; and so are the offerer and the recepient. Seeing thus is Brahman.

36. Even the worst sinner can transcend his sin by Knowledge.

37. Nothing purifies like Knowledge. In time, one realizes one's own Self.

38. The resolute one attains Knowledge and as a consequence, Supreme Peace.

39. Renoucing actions by Yoga and doubts by Knowledge one is the Self.

Chapter 5: samNyAsa yOga

1. Between renouncing and performing action (as per karma yoga), which is better?

2. Though both are good, performance of action is better.

4. Knowledge and action are not different.

5. He who realizes so alone Realizes.

6. Renunciation of action is not possible without action.

Who is the true Renouncer ?

7. One who sees his Self as the self of all is not tainted by his actions.

10. He who acts without attachment is not touched by his actions like water does not wet a lotus leaf.

18. The Knower of the Self sees his Self in everything.

23. He who can withstand impulses of desire and anger is a happy man.

24. He who finds light within himself gains absolute freedom.

26. Free of lust and anger and realizing his Self, such a renouncer is ever free.

Chapter 6: dhyAna yOga

1. He who acts with no care for results is a Renoucer of action and a Yogi; not somebody who has renouced family or is inactive.

4. A man unattached to sense-objects and is devoid of selfish will is mature in yoga.

10. The yogi should concentrate on the Self in solitude with mind and body subdued.

15. The yogi of steadfast mind attains Me.

16. Moderation in eating, recreation, effort to work, and sleep allows yoga to destory misery.

19. The subdued mind focussing on the Self is like a lamp in a windless spot.

26. When the mind wanders, let him bring it back to the Self.

27. The yogi constantly meditating thus attains the infinite bliss of Brahman.

30. He who sees Me in everything and everything in Me, is never seperated from Me nor Me from him.

34. Oh Krishna, it is quite hard to control this mind, which is restless, turbulent, strong, and unyielding.

35. Though the mind is indeed difficult to control, it can be acheived by abhyAsA and vairAgyA

37-38. Does not a yogi unable to succeed in this quest perish devoid of the support of other paths (karma, jnana)?

40. No, for the doer of good never comes to grief.

41. The virtue of his practise carries him forward despite himself.

42. Such a yogi attains Me gradually after many births.

43. He is superior to a renouncer or a performer of action; Be thou a yogi, Oh Arjuna!

Chapter 7: jnAna vijnAna yOga

6. I Am the orgin and dissolution of the universe.

7. All is strung on Me like beads on a necklace.

8. The three gunAs stem from Me but I Am beyond them.

14. This illusion of Mine is difficult to cross, but for those devoted to Me.

16. The four types of worshippers are those who seek relief from distress, enjoyment, knowledge and the wise.

19. After many births, the wise man seeks refuge in Me.

20. Whatever form one worships Me, that form I make him devoted to.

21. From that worship, one gains his desires granted by Me.

27. By the delusion of opposites, all are blinded at birth.

28. Those of virtuous deeds worship Me with resolve.

29. Those who take refuge in Me, they know Brahman.

Chapter 8: akshara brahma yOga

6. Whatever one thinks of at the time of death is attained by him.

7. Therefore, constantly remember Me, for you shall then come to Me.

8. With the mind constantly focussing on the Supreme Lord, one goes to Him.

14. I am easily attained by the yOgi who thinks of me constantly.

15-16 There is no rebirth after attaining Me.

Chapter 9: rAja vidyA rAja grhyA yoga

4. All beings are in Me but I Am beyond them.

6. As the wind exists in space, so do beings exist in Me.

26. I accept the devout gift of the pure at heart, be it a leaf, flower, fruit, or water.

27. Whatever you do, do it as an offering to Me.

28. That frees you from bondage.

30. Having made your heart steadfast in Me, you come to Me.

Chapter 10: viBhUthi yOga

20. I Am the Self in the Heart of all beings; I am the beginning, middle, and end of all beings.

39. I Am the seed of all beings. There is no being without Me.

Chapter 11: viSvarUpa darshanam

18. Thou art, oh Krishna, the Supreme Being.

32. I am Time almighty that destroys the world, oh Arjuna.

Chapter 12: bhakti yOga

2. Those who worship Me constantly are the best versed in yOga.

8. Fix your mind on Me steadily.

9. If you are unable to fix your mind on Me steadily, practise concentration.

10. If you are unable to practise concentration, do actions only for My sake.

11. If you are unable to act only for My sake, surrender all results of your actions to Me.

12. Knowledge is better than mere practice. Meditation with knowledge is even better. Renounciation of results is the best.

Chapter 13: kshetra kshetrajna

30. He who sees everything is One and their expansion from That is verily That.

31. The Self is without beginning and neither acts nor is affected.

32. He who knows the difference between the kshetra (the body) and the kshetrajna (the Self) remains as the Self.

Chapter 14: guna traya vibhAga yOga

When one sees that action is the result of the three gunAs and knows That which is higher than them, he attains Me.

He who transcends the gunAs and serves Me constantly, attains Me.

Chapter 15: purusha uttama yOga

18 Oh Arjuna, as I trascend the persihable and even the Imperishable, I am celebrated as purusha Uttama.

Chapter 18: mOksha samnyAsa yOga

2. Renunciation of desired actions is samnyAsa. Renunciation of fruit of all action is tyAgA.

5. Sacrifice, charity, and austerity should not be renounced.

6. Even then, attachment to their fruits must be given up.

7. Renunciation of obligatory action is improper.

64. Take refuge in Me; I shall liberate you from all sins. Do not grieve!

Sri ramanArpanamastu

Self-enquiry

Author's note

The author has been asked time and again to summarise Bhagavan Ramana's teachings. The goal of this note is to provide a summary that introduces one toboth the theory and practice of Bhagavan's teachings. No attempt has been made to achieve any sort of logical soundness or completeness in this entire exercise. The author offers profound apologies to apologists of the scientific method. Besides, Godel's shadow looms dark over any attempt to explain the mind using the mind. Where appropriate, illustrations from the Vedantic canon have been cited. Text in quotation marks are either directly quotes from Sri Bhagavan or paraphrases thereof. The second person (you,your) is used instead of the third person (one,one's) to make presentation easier. The author freely admits that nothing in this is original.

Unbroken Happiness
Everybody wants to be happy and be so all the time. Consciously or unconsciously, every sentient being strives for it. However, any happiness that is enjoyed materially though the senses is necessarily transient because of the bio-physical limitations of the human nervous system. As proof, anyone will attest that the first gulaab jamun tastes much better than the fifth. Even a single gulaab jamun becomes a tall order when Yama starts dropping not-so-subtle hints of an impending tete-a-tete. This begs the question: Is unbroken happiness possible in our seemingly short existence on this planet?

The premise
Bhagavan Ramana asserts that this unbroken happiness is possible here and now. As an existential "proof" for such happiness, one can simply look at the life of Sri Bhagavan or any other saint one with God. He further says that to open this store of unbroken happiness, "just be yourself."

Just be yourself
To be your self, you need to know who you are. Clearly, your body is not 'you' because it is 'your' body. Likewise, your mind and its associated thoughts are not 'you' because they are 'yours'. So to be just yourself, you have to be devoid of "doing anything" with body or mind. While one can cease physical activity easily, the real trouble is the unceasing mental activity.

The cessation of thoughts
A moment's thought (no pun intended) reveals that when one thinks, one is always seperate from the thought. That is, when I think a thought X, I can see my sense of 'I' and then there is thought X. The astonishing observation is that I can't of think of anything without the sense of 'I' lurking in the background. To achieve this goal of just being yourself, Sri Ramana says "hold on to this 'I' thought to the exclusion of any other thoughts". In other words, bring the 'I' thought to the foreground and shine the light of attention on this 'I' thought and not on external thoughts.

Is the 'I' thought your true Self?
The short answer: No. Your 'I' thought is what you think is your 'self'. (e.g., 'I' am smart, fat, tall, have two kids, ...). In other words, the 'I' thought is the ego or the ahamkAra (which literally means I-maker in Sanskrit). This ego is the lynchpin which holds together all the disparate thoughts that arise. (People without an 'I' thought are either mad or jnAnis; in fact, Sri Bhagavan says that jnAna is also madness of some form!) Just like any thought cannot arise without the 'I' thought or the ego, every thought reinforces the ego. Ego and thoughts feed on each other. Alternately, the ego cannot sustain itself without any external thoughts. That is why Ramana's method works. When one tries to hold on to the ego without thinking, the ego, like a parasite cut off from its nourishment, dies and the true Self is revealed thereby redeeming the promise of unbroken happiness.

What then is your true Self?
Your Consciousness (chit) is your true Self. Your sense of Existing or Being (sat) even before thinking is your true Self. And this pure Existence-Consciousness, the Scriptures declare, is of the nature of unalloyed unbroken Bliss (ananda) and transcends space and time. The Upanishads say that "sat-chit-anandam-brahma". That is, your true Self, which is Existence-Consciousness-Bliss, is verily God! This is what the Scriptures mean when they say God resides in everybody.

What you think you are is your false 'self' or ego. What you actually are is your true Self or Consciousness. The natural follow-up question is: Can Consciousness or the true Self exist seperate from the false self or 'I' thought or ego? After all, am 'I' not the one who is conscious? Yes, one can hear the Scriptures almost scream in delight, it is possible to be Conscious without an ego, and that is the supreme state of sahaja samAdhi, the summum bonum of human existence.

Sri Ramana's method: self enquiry
Sri Bhagavan prescribes the method 'self enquiry' or 'Atma vichAra' to realise one's true Self. To recap, the method is to "hold on to the 'I' thought to the exclusion of other thoughts". An alternate statement that Sri Ramana makes is "Examine with a one-pointed mind where this sense of 'I' arises". Both mean the same, and that is to put all of one's attention on one's sense of 'I'.

When one attempts to enquire about oneself, all kinds of thoughts come up. Sri Bhagavan says, "It is natural that what is hidden comes up. How else can what is hidden be eradicated?". When self enquiry is pursuded, the ego fights back by producing all sorts of thoughts. The thoughts that will be produced are usually the ones that affect one most, they are called 'samskAras' or mental conditioning. These thoughts are meant to divert attention from the sense of 'I' to the thought being produced so that the ego or the 'I' thought can lurk in the background without further attention. Which is why Sri Bhagavan says, "When thoughts come up, ask the question "Who am I" and gently put your attention back on the sense of 'I'."

manOlaya: stillness of ego/mind
When self enquiry is diligently pursued, at some point thoughts cease to come up and everything is quiet and peaceful. The ego starts enjoying this peace and progress in meditation is halted. Sri Ramana says "this condition is called manOlaya or stillness of ego. What we want is manOnAsa or destruction of mind. When such stillness of mind comes, ask the question "Who sees this stillness" and focus the attention back on the 'I' thought or the ego." If it is the Stillness of the real Self, there will not be a sense of an individual 'I' at all.

Self enquiry - 24/7
Sri Bhagavan says that fixing a time for self enquiry, while certainly a good practice, is a preliminary stage. He exhorts one to constantly perform self-enquiry, even while working. That is, one has to be conscious of the sense of 'I' even while working. He says with practise, it is possible to do this all the time when one works slowly and steadily.

The destination of Self-Enquiry
When the ego or self is sufficiently weakened by self enquiry, the power of God/Guru/Self destroys it completely. This is nirvAnA, mOkshA, jnAnA, liberation, or reaching God. Any training of the mind may result in perception of varied phenomena including visions of gods. Sri Ramana says , "do not put your attention on anything you might see or hear during mediation. Go back to your true Self and rest there, that is true meditation". The Scriptures say the final act of destruction of the ego is brought about by the grace of God/Guru/Self and is vouchsafed to one who tries sincerely.

Some commonly asked questions and their remedy
When told of this technique of self-enquiry, the ego naturally starts pondering about the following questions and their ilk: why should I trust this method works; why was I born; what about my karma; what is the purpose of life; how does the Self appear eventually; when will I realise my true Self; am I making progress; am I enquiring correctly; am I not using the ego in enquiring about the ego; can I function well after realisation; am I using my free will to enquire; and so forth. While Sri Ramana answered these questions tailored to varying degrees of the aspirant's understanding, his brahmAstra (literally, the weapon/astra of brahman) was to ask "Who asks these questions" and to shine the spotlight back on the ego.

The connection to Vedanta
All of Vedanta, according to Sri Ramana, can be summarised in the following four Sanskrit words: "dEham naham kOham sOham" which can be rendered as "Body, I am not, Who am I, I am That". Here, "That" is a synonym for brahman or the Self. The Upanishadhic canon declares in four mahAvAkyAs, your equivalence with God in essence. The vAkyAs are:

"prajNanam brahma" (Consciousness is brahman/God/Self)

"aham brahmAsmi" (I am brahman)

"tat tvam asi" (That you are)

"ayam atma brahma" (This Self is brahman).

As can be seen from these assertions, Ramana's technique is the best way to practise the very essence of Vedanta.

Conclusion
In sum, the teaching of Sri Ramana is to "just be yourself". The technique he prescribed in order to do this is self-enquiry orattention to the 'I' thought. In the process of enquiry, one constantly wards off external thoughts with the question "Who am I?" to put attention back on 'I'. This, Sri Bhagavan promises, is The Path. May Sri Bhagavan guide us on this path to our true Self!